Reply to: sale-bqhvj-1343165001@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
***YES, I am giving away an actual dish, does NOT include receiver, remote, service, counseling or delivery.***
(JUST a dish for the craigslist impaired)
Okay folks, this isn’t your garden variety satellite dish that you get
with your service from direct tv. This dish is special as it contains
the spirit of a vile and retched soul. How could I possibly know this
you ask? It’s quite simple you see…
Everyone knows from the commercials that direct tv is rated higher
in customer service than even charter. *insert eye roll here please*
Everyone knows that direct tv has fabulous entertainment packages at great prices.
Why would I want to part with such a gem you ask? Simple, this dish in
particular is most certainly cursed. Since I already have a teenager
there is no room in my home for any more wrathful fits. My loss is your
gain. Be the envy of all your goth and psychic friends by channeling
pure evil into your home.
Although I do not have a name for this evil presence as of yet
there are many choice words which can describe it. I thought naming it
fifi or princess would help me rid myself of the curse faster but that
simply isn’t fair. You must know what you are getting into.
Symptoms of the curse so you can prepare yourself:
*Repeated spam phone calls on a daily basis to offer you specials.
After canceling service the calls will continue but ask why you
disconnected and if you would come back. They will seem eager to make
things right again.
*To add insult to injury no less than 27 people will ask you if
there is any way they can help you throughout your service but never
actually do anything to help you. I consider these calls a bonus. Who
doesn’t love lip service? Who doesn’t like sunshine blown up their rear
when their service has problems?
*There is a slight chance that the $50 visa gift card we were
promised would automatically come after we signed up for automatic bill
pay will follow this cursed item to your home. After 4 calls to
customer service and a PROMISE that the correct department would look
into it over a year ago I am positive it will come. No one as reputable
as direct tv would commit fraud or use deceiving advertising.
*Please note the service package you order online to accompany this
dish will not include all the channels you thought you were going to
get. Don’t bother calling to mention it though. This cursed dish will
hack into their system and will use it’s powers to change their website
design overnight. Although you would have printed proof there will be
no way to enforce it. They will they mockingly ask if you want to add
those channels for an extra $5.
*When you call back the following week after calming down to add said channels they would have gone up to $12.
*CAUTION: when you think you are signing your soul away for a 12
month contract it will expand into 18 months the first time you call to
inquire when you may disconnect. This dish will hold onto your credit
info as hostage.
*When the extra receiver goes bad they will expect you to pay a
marginally qualified tech $50 to scratch his head, agree that the box
is in fact the problem and deliver another one. I found declining such
service, returning the second box and changing my high end package to
the $19.99 one to be most effective.
This dish, although cursed has many practical uses:
*Add mirrors from your disco ball and turn it into a solar death ray.
*Great for little people to use as a sled
*Dog food bowl for your rabid pit bull
*Potentially can become a wormhole for travel to the inner most depths of hades
*Deflects well wishers and Christmas carolers.
*Sharpen it’s edges and play a game of ultimate death frisbee.
*bird bath
*flower planter
*your kids can take a demonic item to school for show and tell.
I am attaching pictures of a similar dish. While I would love to
take pictures of the actual dish it has thwarted my attempts to do so.
It has scrambled the digital signal. Right now I am typing quietly so
it does not know my intentions.
Please come get this item. I must rid my family of it but am
afraid that burning it would release it’s toxic spirit fumes into the
atmosphere. I have already tried to throw it away but it just came
back. It was polluting the landfill. As such you must accept the curse
along with the dish when you come get it. You assume all risk and
liability of this item once you pick it up.
We will be glad to load it or even throw it in the back of your truck as you drive by.
- Location: Baldwin IL, 62217 please mapquest
- it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Mothership Earth 